Our New Normal...losing the invisibility cloak

I've just spent 20ish minutes reading my blog from start to finish. Wow what a ride! Well we're figuring out what this new normal is supposed to look like. It's actually going fairly well. We have our moments, and I think we will always have those, but we're doing ok. We spent some time in San Antonio this past week. It was so nice and relaxing. We had a hotel room right on the riverwalk. It's like a whole different world down there. We were finally able to take a deep breath and just be us.

This morning we went to church. This is the first time since all of this has happened we chose to go anywhere public. I've been to wal-mart and things like that, but I mean with people we know and love. If you've ever experienced grief, you might understand that I wanted to be invisible. I wanted to throw on my little Harry Potter invisibility cloak and go. I was just too raw to handle questions and the well meaning how are ya's. I tell you it was SO nice being in church. Being surrounded by people we love and love us gave us a sense of calm and peace. We were extra brave and went to the Heritage Festival today too. And here's the biggie...Jamie's going back to work tomorrow. I go back next Monday.

So yeah our new normal is working out ok. My current hurdle is the whole "what could have been" mentality. I've pretty much processed the rest of it, but the what could have been is really throwing me. Seeing all the happy little kids on the rides waving at their mommies at the festival, Emmie (my niece) going up for children's moment at church, or seeing the cute Easter stuff I could've made Xavier's Easter basket with. I know it'll get easier...

According to KFDM weather's report, after today there should be no more rain. I plan on working in some flower beds. That's my therapy. I'll do some processing then. If you see me outside working, stop by and say hi! I may be stinky, nasty, and covered in dirt, but I'll sure be happy to see you! :)

Shifting Gears

When you find out you're going to have a baby, things begin to change. Not just your body, but things like getting the baby's room ready, getting a different car to house the baby seat, and thoughts of what type of parent you are going to be. You begin to shift into this Mommy and Daddy (provider) role. You are no longer just a loving couple that is only responsible for yourselves, you now have another life to attend to. You begin to dream things like what will they look like, will they be smart, what kind of discipline will they need to grow and not need therapy later. Then all the firsts come to mind like birthday, Christmas, school...

Then all that comes crashing down. At only 21 weeks our baby was too little to survive out here. So now it's a whole new kind of change. We have to shift gears again. Back to what I'm not sure. Normal is a good option, but normal was life before baby. We can't pretend we didn't have a baby, because we did. And a pretty darn cute one at that. :) So I think that's my biggest hang up right now. Shifting gears...

I'm blessed, honored, and I thank God everyday that I have Jamie and that we have such an amazing relationship. Whatever shifting there is I know we'll do it together. Like he said the other day to Peter...We were made for each other.