Thursday, February 26, 2009
Sometimes it just plain hurts
We've made a life time of decisions in a two week period. I'm done with decisions. Sometimes it just plain hurts. I was ok today (today was the day we talked to the funeral home and cemetery) until we went out to Oak Bluff and they showed us where Xavier will be buried. Never knew four little red flags would melt my glue so quickly. Ouch...
My reality check has bounced
Oh how interesting reality can be. From delivering a 22 week old baby to buying burial plots. Wow what a REAL couple of weeks. I am surprised how not weird all of this seems. A couple of weeks ago this experience was the absolute worst possible scenario. While it's still unbelievably heart wrenching, it all seems like such a blessing. Let me explain that, because even reading this on the screen it looks odd. It's a blessing in the following ways:
1. I got to finally feel what it is like to be a mother and hold our baby. That never ever ever seemed real until that very moment it happened.
2. Birth and death are natural parts of life. I've heard that and understand the words, but I never truly comprehended the meaning until this week. We are so fragile and God made us, ya know that whole ashes to ashes thing. But to be a part of that and witness the true and absolute miracle of the whole process is quite humbling.
3. I have a much better understanding of my body and how it works. I have a new found respect for particular bodily functions and gravity. I also understand that being the size I am really complicates things. So as soon as I'm released from Dr. Cunningham I'm headed back to Anytime.
4. I appreciate health care professionals on a whole new level. Let's take Dr. Cunningham for example. She is like no other doctor I've ever met. She's professional, but has a level of caring that I've never experienced before. After our big ultrasound in Houston on that Thursday we had more questions. On Friday we wanted to talk to Dr. Cunningham and get some answers. We never could get the office to pick up the phone so we just showed up at her office and asked if she could see us. Without hesitation she saw us and spent quite a bit of time explaining and answering all of our questions. Also, all the nurses at St. Mary's were great. We were amazed at them and all of the tasks they do. Take Tracey for example, she's the one who actually delivered Xavier. Once she saw that I was about to deliver she made things happen. It was like a well choreographed dance. She delivered our baby, finished up with me, came back to help me shower, changed my sheets, and cleaned my room like nothing had ever happened. It wasn't just all "let's just get this done". She took care of my needs medically, but she was also compassionate enough to keep me calm and reassured. We heard her sniffle as Brandi, the other nurse, handed us Xavier. That takes quite a special person to pull all of that off.
5. We are so blessed by our family and friends. I've said this in previous blogs, but the love that we've seen from sending flowers, to phone calls, to meals prepared for us, without that love and support we wouldn't have made it through this. No one should have to go though something like this alone. We didn't have to and we are truly blessed and grateful.
I'm sure there are more that I just haven't processed yet. But this is the whole of it here.
1. I got to finally feel what it is like to be a mother and hold our baby. That never ever ever seemed real until that very moment it happened.
2. Birth and death are natural parts of life. I've heard that and understand the words, but I never truly comprehended the meaning until this week. We are so fragile and God made us, ya know that whole ashes to ashes thing. But to be a part of that and witness the true and absolute miracle of the whole process is quite humbling.
3. I have a much better understanding of my body and how it works. I have a new found respect for particular bodily functions and gravity. I also understand that being the size I am really complicates things. So as soon as I'm released from Dr. Cunningham I'm headed back to Anytime.
4. I appreciate health care professionals on a whole new level. Let's take Dr. Cunningham for example. She is like no other doctor I've ever met. She's professional, but has a level of caring that I've never experienced before. After our big ultrasound in Houston on that Thursday we had more questions. On Friday we wanted to talk to Dr. Cunningham and get some answers. We never could get the office to pick up the phone so we just showed up at her office and asked if she could see us. Without hesitation she saw us and spent quite a bit of time explaining and answering all of our questions. Also, all the nurses at St. Mary's were great. We were amazed at them and all of the tasks they do. Take Tracey for example, she's the one who actually delivered Xavier. Once she saw that I was about to deliver she made things happen. It was like a well choreographed dance. She delivered our baby, finished up with me, came back to help me shower, changed my sheets, and cleaned my room like nothing had ever happened. It wasn't just all "let's just get this done". She took care of my needs medically, but she was also compassionate enough to keep me calm and reassured. We heard her sniffle as Brandi, the other nurse, handed us Xavier. That takes quite a special person to pull all of that off.
5. We are so blessed by our family and friends. I've said this in previous blogs, but the love that we've seen from sending flowers, to phone calls, to meals prepared for us, without that love and support we wouldn't have made it through this. No one should have to go though something like this alone. We didn't have to and we are truly blessed and grateful.
I'm sure there are more that I just haven't processed yet. But this is the whole of it here.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Xavier Thomas Cohrt
Xavier Thomas Cohrt was delivered at 8:35 p.m. February 24, 2009. He was 15oz and 10 1/2 inches long. It all went smoothly and very quickly once the medicine took effect. It was a beautiful experience. During the course of the day yesterday the nursing staff would ask us questions trying to prepare us for the inevitable. One of the big questions was if Jamie and I wanted to see the baby after we delivered. We had both pros and cons. On one hand they could just take him away and we could file it away and never think about it again or we could see him and bond. We decided it would be better for us to see him and hold him. It was the most amazing experience of our lives. I always wondered what it was like to hold our child...now I know. He was perfectly shaped and formed. We looked at his face, his fingernails, his 10 perfect fingers and toes and we held his hands. It was truly beautiful and such a blessing. My parents and our pastor came in and we all held him and prayed over Xavier. There are really no words to explain the comfort and peace we all felt at that moment. Xavier knew nothing but love. It was the best worst day of our lives.
We especially want to thank my parents for their unending love and support. We also want to thank Peter Cammarano, our pastor, who spent better part of yesterday up here with us. The nursing staff here at St. Mary's went above and beyond to help us and make us comfortable. We are truly blessed. This is starting to sound like an acceptance speech, but we are so honored and blessed from all of the emails, messages, phone calls and top notch care by both Dr. Cunningham and the nursing staff that it is impossible to express thanks appropriately.
We'll have some recovery time of course and we are planning on taking a vacation. It'll take time to heal, but through all the love, support and prayers we'll surely survive and move on.
We especially want to thank my parents for their unending love and support. We also want to thank Peter Cammarano, our pastor, who spent better part of yesterday up here with us. The nursing staff here at St. Mary's went above and beyond to help us and make us comfortable. We are truly blessed. This is starting to sound like an acceptance speech, but we are so honored and blessed from all of the emails, messages, phone calls and top notch care by both Dr. Cunningham and the nursing staff that it is impossible to express thanks appropriately.
We'll have some recovery time of course and we are planning on taking a vacation. It'll take time to heal, but through all the love, support and prayers we'll surely survive and move on.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
End of the road
This is it...we've reached the end. My doctor came last night to talk to us. I have a low grade temp, I'm still leaking amniotic fluid, and there is tenderness where there shouldn't be. My levels are back down to .9. And the baby's heartbeat dropped yesterday because it was leaning against the chord. With the infection setting in it's just a matter of time before I go into labor. If we wait until I get sicker then there's a health risk to me and my future fertility. I'm only in week 21 and a baby is not viable until 24. We tried everything we know how to do and still it didn't work. It worked for a while if you've read my previous blogs, but it didn't stay that way. So today we've decided to induce labor. It will not be easy, but it needs to be done. We want to thank every body for all the prayers. Physically this might be over today, but emotional this will go on for a while. I would appreciate continued prayers to help Jamie and I make it through this.
Monday, February 23, 2009
A setback??
So far we've been doing pretty good. We've had a couple of ups and downs but overall ok. Yesterday I was feeling a little achy borderline crampy and I've been losing some small amounts of fluid a couple of times a day. When they did my vitals yesterday morning my temp went up a bit. The doctor ordered a ultrasound and a blood count. Blood count went up a bit and my temp was up which are all signs of infection. However, I woke up feeling ok today and my temp is back to normal. I'm supposed to hear from my doctor today so maybe she'll have more information for me. We'll see...in the mean time keep praying!!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
One week down
Today officially makes one week that I've been in here. There's really no update to speak of. Dr. Long came in this morning and told me we're still making progress and we're going to keep up with what we are doing. Dr Cunningham should be back Monday and I suspect there will be another ultrasound that day. On the whole grade scheme of things it hasn't been bad. I get to lay around and let people wait on me. Problem with that is I have to lay around and let people wait on me. I'm a fiercely independent person. So the frustration level is pretty high. But we got great news a couple of days ago and we're making progress...so here I am. I'm really blessed that I have some great people who call, visit, and email. It always seems that I get a phone call or email just the time I need it. So thank you!! Keep checking back for more updates and please keep praying! We really would like to hold our Poppy! :)
**Poppy is what we've been calling our baby. We got tired of saying "it" and one of the updates at the very beginning said it was the size of a poppy seed so it kinda stuck! And since we still don't know what the sex is, we're sticking with Poppy!
**Poppy is what we've been calling our baby. We got tired of saying "it" and one of the updates at the very beginning said it was the size of a poppy seed so it kinda stuck! And since we still don't know what the sex is, we're sticking with Poppy!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Ups and Downs and Ups and Downs
Wow talk about one heck of a roller coaster ride of emotions! Ok, so far this has been a pretty much wait and see kinda thing here. I was admitted to the hospital to get fluids with the main objective to get my amniotic level where is should be so the baby can develop. My previous post talked about the ultrasound and how well it went. It showed pockets of fluid! YAY so whatever we're doing is working. WOOHOO.
So little detour in the story, this morning I woke up around 6ish and I quickly realized that I had lost a good amount of fluid just since waking up and turning over. I immediately panicked and called the nurse. She confirmed that I lost fluid and was going to call the doctor. He (Dr. Long, sitting in for Cunningham being out of town) came to talk to me and told me that it was possible that the process of turning over might have exposed the tear and I was leaking again. He wanted me to stay on the fluids and he wanted an ultrasound done. We had the ultrasound around 10is and then the waiting began. For those of you that don't know me, I don't do waiting very well. The nurse (Tonya...if this is Mindy reading this) came in and told me there was some good news.
The optimal level of fluid should be 11. I'm not sure 11 whats, but I know 11 is good. Normal would be considered from 9-11. My first ultrasound I had was 0 which is why they put me in here. The ultrasound on Tuesday was a 1, which is good because what we were doing was working. Today when they did the ultrasound I'm at a 5.6!!! Even with the amount I lost this morning I'm still at a 5.6! So I have to keep with what I'm doing. I'm no longer allowed to roll on my right side (side I was laying on when all this started) and we'll check in a couple of days to see my progress. This is still a day to day thing, but we are definitely heading in the right direction! I'm seeing some wonderful things happen here. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. Yay God!
So little detour in the story, this morning I woke up around 6ish and I quickly realized that I had lost a good amount of fluid just since waking up and turning over. I immediately panicked and called the nurse. She confirmed that I lost fluid and was going to call the doctor. He (Dr. Long, sitting in for Cunningham being out of town) came to talk to me and told me that it was possible that the process of turning over might have exposed the tear and I was leaking again. He wanted me to stay on the fluids and he wanted an ultrasound done. We had the ultrasound around 10is and then the waiting began. For those of you that don't know me, I don't do waiting very well. The nurse (Tonya...if this is Mindy reading this) came in and told me there was some good news.
The optimal level of fluid should be 11. I'm not sure 11 whats, but I know 11 is good. Normal would be considered from 9-11. My first ultrasound I had was 0 which is why they put me in here. The ultrasound on Tuesday was a 1, which is good because what we were doing was working. Today when they did the ultrasound I'm at a 5.6!!! Even with the amount I lost this morning I'm still at a 5.6! So I have to keep with what I'm doing. I'm no longer allowed to roll on my right side (side I was laying on when all this started) and we'll check in a couple of days to see my progress. This is still a day to day thing, but we are definitely heading in the right direction! I'm seeing some wonderful things happen here. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. Yay God!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Really early to tell...
We were getting some positive vibes from the ultrasound today. It's way early to tell, but I asked at one point what she was measuring and she said the pockets of fluid. Compared to the last time when they said there was no measurable fluid that's a step forward. Of course I haven't heard anything official from the doctor, but I felt good about it. Yay God...yay prayers!
4th day excitment
Well here I am...I'm easing into my 4th day at St. Mary's. Overall on the whole grand scheme of things it's been ok. Once I got past this feeling of helplessness and peeing in a plastic bucket it was a lot easier. As most of you know I have control freak tendencies and would rather do things myself and not ask anyone for help. So I've had to make some interesting adjustments.
There's really nothing to report at this point. It's only been a few days and not much can change in that amount of time. She (Dr. Cunningham) did say she wanted to do an ultrasound today to see if there is any progress. She told me not to expect much change at this point, but it'll give us a look to see if there's any changes and another good baseline.
Through this ordeal, I've come to realize that we have surrounded ourselves with some pretty amazing people. I've gotten so many phone calls and visitors that I am truly blessed. The power of prayer and positive thinking can do some wonderful things. So for those of you who have been in contact with us or praying for us, thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
Like I said though, considering the circumstance, it's been ok. I have plenty of entertainment and people to keep me company. God can do some amazing things and I'm interested to see what He has in store for us. Thanks again for you love, support, and prayers!
There's really nothing to report at this point. It's only been a few days and not much can change in that amount of time. She (Dr. Cunningham) did say she wanted to do an ultrasound today to see if there is any progress. She told me not to expect much change at this point, but it'll give us a look to see if there's any changes and another good baseline.
Through this ordeal, I've come to realize that we have surrounded ourselves with some pretty amazing people. I've gotten so many phone calls and visitors that I am truly blessed. The power of prayer and positive thinking can do some wonderful things. So for those of you who have been in contact with us or praying for us, thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
Like I said though, considering the circumstance, it's been ok. I have plenty of entertainment and people to keep me company. God can do some amazing things and I'm interested to see what He has in store for us. Thanks again for you love, support, and prayers!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Welcome!
Hey Hey Hey!! Welcome to my blog. We are so blessed and appreciative of all of the thoughts and prayers. I thought having this blog might help keep everyone updated. So enjoy, read, and comment!
This was my original message sent via myspace and facebook:
Ok so here's the story. I'm 20 weeks pregnant and thrilled to death. It wasn't easy getting pregnant, but once it happened it's been pretty smooth sailing. Monday I had my routine ultrasound. My doctor calls me that afternoon and tells me that my fluids looked low. I had an appointment with her the next day and she said we could talk about it more then. It was at that appointment that everything crashed around us. She told us that there was very little fluid and they couldn't see the kidneys. There were tons of reasons for the problem and she wanted me to go to a specialist in Houston to have a better look at what might be causing the problem. The appointment was yesterday and it was determined that there was a tear and I was leaking amniotic fluid. Without this fluid the baby would stop growing and developing and I would get an infection. The infection would cause me to go into labor and I would loose the baby. He gave us two options: 1. terminate pregnancy 2. wait and see what happens but there could be some serious problems with the baby ranging from no lungs to severe mental retardation. As you might imagine we were not happy with either option. We were facing the hardest decision you might imagine. This was the epitome of all rocks and hard places. We still had questions to be answered, so we went back to my local doctor today to see if there was anything at all we could do. She suggested that I be admitted into the hospital and be under complete bed rest. They will hook me up to IVs and I will drink tons of water and see if we can get the fluid levels back where they belong. They can also monitor me for infections and have antibiotics at the ready in case there's a problem. She said we will be able to see if that will work in about a week. We are taking it day by day. Hoping and praying that a miracle will happen. I'm a fighter and we intend to do everything in our power to make this happen. Doctors know alot, I know SOME stuff, but it's God that gives us the power and strength to survive. So I would GREATLY appreciate prayers. I will be in St. Mary's Hospital for the next week at least. I'll keep you posted and updated on what's going on! Thank you!
This was my original message sent via myspace and facebook:
Ok so here's the story. I'm 20 weeks pregnant and thrilled to death. It wasn't easy getting pregnant, but once it happened it's been pretty smooth sailing. Monday I had my routine ultrasound. My doctor calls me that afternoon and tells me that my fluids looked low. I had an appointment with her the next day and she said we could talk about it more then. It was at that appointment that everything crashed around us. She told us that there was very little fluid and they couldn't see the kidneys. There were tons of reasons for the problem and she wanted me to go to a specialist in Houston to have a better look at what might be causing the problem. The appointment was yesterday and it was determined that there was a tear and I was leaking amniotic fluid. Without this fluid the baby would stop growing and developing and I would get an infection. The infection would cause me to go into labor and I would loose the baby. He gave us two options: 1. terminate pregnancy 2. wait and see what happens but there could be some serious problems with the baby ranging from no lungs to severe mental retardation. As you might imagine we were not happy with either option. We were facing the hardest decision you might imagine. This was the epitome of all rocks and hard places. We still had questions to be answered, so we went back to my local doctor today to see if there was anything at all we could do. She suggested that I be admitted into the hospital and be under complete bed rest. They will hook me up to IVs and I will drink tons of water and see if we can get the fluid levels back where they belong. They can also monitor me for infections and have antibiotics at the ready in case there's a problem. She said we will be able to see if that will work in about a week. We are taking it day by day. Hoping and praying that a miracle will happen. I'm a fighter and we intend to do everything in our power to make this happen. Doctors know alot, I know SOME stuff, but it's God that gives us the power and strength to survive. So I would GREATLY appreciate prayers. I will be in St. Mary's Hospital for the next week at least. I'll keep you posted and updated on what's going on! Thank you!
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